This is Why They Are Not Your Role Models

A role model according to Merriam Webster dictionary is – a person whose behaviour in a particular role is imitated by others.

A role model is often imitated in terms of looks, mannerisms, attitude and even life-changing decisions such as career, family and spiritual inclinations.

Now the big issue here is: who is an ideal role model or who is qualified to be a role model? Should anyone be saddled with the burden of being anyone’s role model? Let’s face it, being a role model is a full time job. You are almost not allowed to make mistakes, have to put on a certain conduct; both in speech and action especially in public. You have to be careful knowing that your critics are ready to jump on you and your admirers, whether or not they realise it, are waiting to blame you for their missteps. 

Here are the facts:

• Everyone, whether they like it or not, is someone’s role model. Everything you do is inspiring someone somewhere, good or bad. 

• You are a book anyone can read. 

• It actually takes a village to raise a child and you are part of that village. 

• Finally, being a role model does shape your conduct.

Relax, I’m not here to make a case for people who go around seeking and making everyone who seems to have their life together their role model and holding them to certain standards. On the contrary, I’m making a case for responsibility. Yes, taking responsibility for your actions and inactions, your failures and successes. I’m here to make a case for role models who do not want the role.

Not a role model: everyone is supposed to live their most creative and authentic life. It is not healthy having to always watch your back, act a certain way, being overly self-conscious and having to explain yourself. Eventually you would get tired, resent the pressure and if not controlled, deviate completely. Ever wondered why your favourite child stars end up being so “wild”? Here's a possible angle:

Take Miley Cyrus as an example, it took her struggle twerking on Robin Thicke for many people to snap out of that sweet Hannah Montana image they had of her. Poor girl probably just wanted to live her “authentic” life without being seen in her younger pristine image. Can you blame her? It gets exhausting. Now she is as fluid as she wants to be. Today she’s queer, tomorrow she’s straight, another day she’s something else. Extreme example but, it illustrates my point.

Taking Responsibility

I believe that everyone should take responsibility for their actions and their children’s upbringing. No, you didn’t break up with your partner because someone online said you should for some flimsy reason, that was a conscious decision. No, you didn’t clog your pores with heavy makeup everyday to look like your fave, that was your foolishness and inability to realise you don’t have access to the best skin care like they do. No, you didn’t follow a life/career path because your role model did, that was your lack of self-awareness, inability to decide what’s best for you and failure to recognise that not everyone will walk the same path. No, you didn’t expose your child to social media because your role model is already making their child a brand, you did it because you are a copycat who has refused to allow their child define their own path and don’t realise that you do not have access to private security for your wards like your role model does. Yes, there are crazies online targeting children. 

Role modelling isn’t easy

It restricts and confines. Does not give allowance to issues you are trying to cope with, which may trigger certain actions. Every human has secrets and secret lives. As a role model, your actions are so examined and you can only hope your secrets which you are not so proud of do not come to light. Let me not even talk about Christian role models, that’s a whole new level of pressure. 

It is wrong to bestow on someone the title of role model and then get mad that they are falling short of your expectation, give them allowance to be humans.

The media (print, visual and most importantly social media) can have us feeling like we know everything about someone, or even worse, that we are entitled to know. No dear, you don’t. Also by pushing certain people and ideals, whether good or bad, everyone wants to follow the “leader”, the most popular, the coolest and begin to live vicariously through them. Get this, most people are winging it. They’re fighting daily to discover their true selves and live as purposefully as they can. You owe it to yourself to do the same, instead of modelling your life after another.

Take responsibility for your actions. Understand that no two persons have the same path. You are responsible for how your life turns out. Filter every advice you receive and decide what’s best for you. You owe yourself that. Allow people to be humans, to have flaws, to be imperfect, to come into their own. To the role models, don’t burn yourself out trying to project a flawless image to the world, you would wear yourself out sooner or later.

Ultimately, role modelling is a social burden as we owe a duty of care to ourselves and the younger generation especially, whether we like it or not. The good news is, you set your role model limits.

Peace!